Tika & Writing Your Own Obituary

Tika appeared to be listening intently as I explained what I'd learned at our society's recent Fall Workshop.

"Paula from Heritage Funeral Home gave a great presentation explaining why we should all write our own story, our own obituary," I told Tika. She blinked.

Paula explained how she sits with families every day and helps them struggle with questions that should have been decided long before that day. "It's such a stressful time for the family, and I'm so sorry for them to have the added burden of writing an obituary now when I know they could have done it long before on a less-stressful day," Paula said. "It's especially hard on the children, especially grown children, who never wanted to "interfere" in their parent's lives."

Paula quipped, "Talking about sex dos not make you pregnant; talking about funerals does not make you dead.  Crafting your own story, your own obituary, is a healthy and kind-for-your-family thing to do."

"Why not write what you  want others to read about you and not what your daughter-in-law has written about you?" asked Paula. "The best person to write your story is yourself. And write your story now while you're in full possession of yourself..... say whatever you want."

I chatted afterwards with Paula and she assured me that most every funeral home will help with writing that obituary whether in a pre-need situation (which is best) or at the time of the death. Most funeral homes offer a packet of information pages outlining just what is needed in a "good" obituary, "so don't be shy about asking," Paula said.

"So, Little Tika," I asked her, "shall we now write your obituary?"  Tika was born on the 18th of September 2009 somewhere in Idaho.........................

Tika & The Ten Rules of the Canoe

Near Poulso, Washington, is the resting place of Chief Seattle (ca 1786-1866) who was chief of the Squamish people. Near the cemetery is the Squamish Museum where we learned all about this tribe and their lives and times.

Calling themselves the Canoe People and this message was framed and on the wall in that museum. I'll retype the rules for you so you can read them........ we think they're darn good Rules for Living:

1.  Keep going! Every stroke we take is one less we have to make.
2.  Respect and trust cannot exist in anger; there is to be no abuse of self or others.
3.  The adaptable animal survives; be flexible.
4.  Every story is important: the gift of each enriches all.
5.  Nothing occurs in isolation; we all pull and support each other.
6.  Always nourish yourself; a hungry person has no charity.
7.  Our experiences are not enhanced through criticism.
8.  The journey is what we enjoy.
9.  A good teacher always allows the student to learn.
10. When given a choice at all, be a worker bee..... make honey!

Tika says, "Well, I cannot read but they do sound good to me."

Tika & Lost Marriage Records

Tika went with us last weekend to the park to mark the wedding of our grandson. It was a very low-key, low-cost affair but abounding in family love (which is all that counts). Evan and Whitney were married by his Uncle Timothy, with Aunt Jane as the photographer.

On the way home Tika and I got to wondering........... for this marriage there were no newspaper notices, stories or announcements, no photographs except what family took and the requisite paperwork was signed there in the park. Evan's mother took it upon herself to ramrod  and secure the official paperwork.

No wonder we sometimes cannot find any official mention of our ancestor's marriage! They got married in the little church or the backyard and between there and the county office the paperwork got lost when the parson forded a stream and his bag got soaked. Or nobody was in charge of the paperwork and it just got forgotten or lost and was never properly filed.

If this marriage had been 150 years ago, in a little church, backyard or park near the couple's home, where would you maybe find a record of the marriage? Perhaps in a church bulletin or history mention? Perhaps in the local little newspaper..... if somebody submitted the story? Perhaps in the family Bible..... which is where today? Perhaps in a letter to a family member who could not attend..... which is where today? Perhaps in the diaries of those attending........ where to find them today? Or perhaps in the journals of the bride and groom.... no doubt written long after the event? Or the "Grandmother, Tell Me Your Story?" books?

Tika's point here is this: you may never find that one piece of paper, that one official record, for the marriage of your ancestor. To "prove" that marriage you will have to collect bits and pieces and secondary evidence. 'Tiz the way of life, I guess, mused Tika.

Who was asleep on my lap by this point. Smart, tired little dogger.

Tika & Rocks (Documentation)

Documentation is, according to Webster's Dictionary, "anything printed or written that is relied upon to record or prove something."

Documentation is, then, something printed or written that substantiates as correct a conclusion…… something that documents your research conclusions.

To me, documentation is finding the answer to a question.

I have collected rocks from my travels. I arrange them on my deck and like to look at them and remember where I found them. Got to thinking one day about the geological origins of my rocks and which rocks came from the seashore.

So my question was: Are any of my rocks sea rocks?

Looking carefully at each one I could see that some are sandstone, some granite, some lave, some petrified wood, some basalt, etc. Very different origins. Only three prove to answer my question. Only three can "prove" that they are sea rocks. One is coral-turned-to-stone from the Pacific Island of Kiribati, one a different coral from Maui and one large one is sandstone-with-shells from an Oregon beach. Only these three document the answer to my question.

How do they do so? By what they are……….. corals and seashells only live in ocean water.

How does any of this apply to genealogy? Just as visualization documents my sea rocks, when I find and see the real, correct, answer to my genealogy question then I know I have my documentation.

Tika says, "This makes no sense to me." I hope it does to you. 

Tika & A Really Good Research Plan

Years, ago, EWGS (the Eastern Washington Genealogical Society) had Patricia Law Hatcher as our Spring Seminar speaker. She was fabulous in every way. I still have some of the notes I took that day.

Pat explained the difference between A Typical Researcher's Cycle and A Top Notch Researcher's Cycle.

It's really quite simple............. think of a circle divided into four equal parts. In a Typical Researcher's Cycle, 1/4 of the circle is allotted to Preparation,  1/2 of the circle to Research, and only the 1/4 remaining is devoted to Analysis & Writing.

In a Top Notch Researcher's Cycle the divisions are much different:  3/4 of the circle is allotted to Preparation & Analysis & Writing and only the 1/4 remaining is for Research.

Think about the difference. An "ordinary" researcher spends little time in preparation and little time in analysis and the writing up of the findings or the story but spends the majority of their genealogy time in research.  A top notch" researcher spends fully 3/4 of their time in preparation and analysis and writing and a scant 1/4 of the time in research.

I've thought about this and pondered upon Pat's words for many years now and the truth of her words have become clearer and clearer to me as time has passed. To be an effective genealogist, you cannot just spend time in research. You must be specific in your research and really study what you've found. And you really must write up your findings in a narrative. There is no better way to "lay all the cards on the table" so to speak and see if you have really found all the correct answers. I encourage you to follow Pat's direction.

She ended the day with us by sharing this quote: "Writing, then pondering what you wrote is the best preparation for research." 

Well, you know Tika by now. She listened, but was not really interested in all of this.

Tika & Family Ties

Sandy from Florida came to visit us and gained Tika's love and trust right away. Why not, since she is family?

Sandy is the ex-wife of the son of my husband's father and his first wife. (Can you figure that out?) So she is biologically aunt-by-marriage to my children and we are same to her son. Since all of our children share Phillips' ancestry, that makes us cousins!

After Sandy's visit I got to thinking about Collateral Research or some might call it Descendancy Research.  Whatever you term it, looking for the relatives-of-the-relatives-of-the-relatives, etc. is a worthwhile pursuit. The goal of any search is to find answers and/or new information. The goal of connecting up with a distant, shirt-tail, relative is the same: to find answers and/or new information. But the best part of this sort of research is that you often find "stuff and things" that you would never find elsewhere.

For instance, since Sandy's son comes from Chuck Phillips' first wife, Sandy could tell me more details about her life.... things I did not know. Things I had not looked for since "it's not my line"..... hubby comes from the second wife.

Another connection I've made this month with the descendants of the first wife was to get pictures that I would never have seen otherwise. It's sad but true that most of us only take the time to really dig into our own pedigree line and too often ignore those collateral folks, even close ones.

"Shape up!" Tika reminds us. "Think how great it was to spend time with a distant cousin and think what you both learned!" Tika is one smart little dachshund dogger.

Tika & Glass

I photographed these glass windows at the House of Seven Gables in Salem, Massachusetts, last May. Both my daughter and I were fascinated by the irregularities in the glass which, we were told, were original. Did you know that glass is made mostly from sand melted at a high temperature? This famous old house was constructed in 1668 so they knew how to make glass for windows, albeit crudely, even way back then.

In the earliest times and especially on the frontier, our ancestors' homes did not have glass windows. The reasons for this were two: it was heavy and fragile to transport and it was expensive to buy. Some places, some cultures, put a tax on the number of glassed-windows in a house.

Glass windows are a luxury that we today totally take for granted. Not so in days gone by.

"Phooey," says Tika. "I'd rather my glass be sandy places where I can run and go swimming!" 

Tika & Unusual Moms & Dates

Few days ago in our local paper I read the short article about the world's oldest known wild bird.....a 62 year old albatross on Midway Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.... is now a new mother again.

The bird, a Laysan albatross whom biologists have named Wisdom...... received her first ID band during the Eisenhower administration in 1956 and since then has worn out five ID bands.....always returning annually to Midway and raising her chick. Pretty darn amazing.

This little story begs the question: could a 62 year old woman birth a baby? Which, Tika was teaching me, is why we must scrutinize those dates on our family charts because it's more than rare for a 62 year old mother to be correct on those charts. And we know that sometimes those kind of date scrambles can show up!

Another baby-mom bit that I recently came up was printed in The History of Barnstable County (MA): Town of Brewster.  On page 897-8 it speaks of one Thomas Crosby who came from Eastham in 1700 to become one of the first settlers of Barnstable. With his wife, Sarah, he had twelve children..... including a set of triplets, Mercy, Ann and Increase.  While the blurb does not say if all twelve children lived to adulthood, the fact that the triplets were named suggests that they did. And how unusual is it for a set of triplets, born in the 17th century, to live to adulthood????

Tika continued her teachings to me:  A mini-dachshund litter litter of puppies is typically never more than four, "and that's plenty!" Tika said.

Tika & The Heat: What To Do When It's HOT

When it's this hot here in Spokane, Tika says, "Let me in! Let's go chase some Ancestry wavy leaves!" Good idea, Tika.

What do YOU do when you have a totally dead-end brick-wall ancestor that seemingly beamed down from some planet? No wavy leaves on this guy........... James R. Nelson, born about 1880 in Nebraska. With Claudia Fish had five children between 1901-1907 and then in 1909 they got married in Topeka, Kansas. And then the five children were placed in an orphanage and given up. Stories say he was the proverbial travelling salesman. Talk about a dead end.

Rendezvoused with Julie at our downtown library today; this is her family history problem. But it's my brother-in-law's lineage too, so we had to meet and talk and share.

Good thing to do on a beastly hot July day...... but what do you do if there are no wavy leaves?????

Tika & Differences in Ancestry & FamilySearch

Tika was with us out fishing on Williams Lake (southwest of Spokane). While Handy Man fished (and got five nice trout) we took a swim and enjoyed the scenery. We were happily sitting in the bow of the boat, looking at these basaltic cliffs when Tika asked, "Wow. Two towers in one cliff. Isn't that a good image to teach about using Ancestry and FamilySearch?"

Tika knows I enjoy teaching entry-level genealogists and am always looking for easy ways to illustrate a point. She was right-on about these cliffs!

Beginners will ask, "Which website should I start with? Which website is better? Ancestry or FamilySearch?" I shall use this picture to show that Ancestry (on the left) and FamilySearch (on the right) are two parts of the same cliff..............they are the two bestest websites for beginners (or anybody else, for that matter). Both of those rocky cliffs contain the same basaltic rocks. Both of those websites contain the same sort of information. Yes, there are differences, just like with the rocks making up these cliffs. But the information contained in Ancestry and FamilySearch are the same:  information on our ancestors.

"Besides," asked Tika, "isn't FamilySearch free?"  Tika is one smart little dashchund.

Tika & Psychometrics

Tika was asking me the other day, "Is there another word for genealogy or family history?" Remembering a talk I heard a while back, I hesitantly told her, "Yes, I think there is; it's called psychometrics." Here's how Wikipedia explains this new word or concept:

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Psychometrics is the field of study concerned with the theory and technique of psychological measurement,

which includes the measurement of knowledge, abilities, attitudes, personality traits, and educational 

measurement. The field is primarily concerned with the construction and validation of measurement instruments

such as questionnaires, tests, and personality assessments.

Tika said, "Huh?"

Being a word person, I do like words, especially new-to-me words. So how does this word apply to genealogy?

Well, wouldn't we like to understand more about our ancestors' knowledge, attitudes, abilities, education and 

personality traits? Is there a way to understand their lives better by just digging into the records they left behind?

Guess it would take an expert in this field to explain it to me. It does sound fascinating, doesn't it?

After explaining all of this to her, Tika said, "Let's talk about something fun!" So here goes:  "What does it mean 

to be "all of a twitter?"  Wanna guess? 

Tika & July 4th & Cemeteries

Spokane has two military cemeteries; one is the small Fort George Wright Cemetery and one is the brand new military cemetery southwest of town. I enjoy taking Tika and walking the Centennial Trail which runs past this spot. We always pause to remember why the cemetery is here and remember those resting therein. Thanks to the Spokane Historical website for the sketch of  the Fort George Wright cemetery. (My pictures from fall 2012.)

When Fort George Wright was constructed in the 1890s, effort was made to ensure a proper final resting place could be afforded the men who died there during in military service. A peaceful spot was selected away from the main base, overlooking the Spokane River. In 1900, remains from Fort Sherman  (in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) and Fort Spokane (west of Spokane on the Columbia River) were disinterred and moved to the Fort George Wright Cemetery. 

Families of active duty soldiers were allowed in the cemetery, and you will notice a preponderance of infant and small child  graves throughout the grounds. This is owing in large part to the high mortality rates of late 19th and early 20th century children. Advances in modern medicine would cut these rates dramatically. But they now serve as a sad reminder of a time  before modern medical practice. 

Veterans of all branches of the military are represented at the cemetery. The cemetery was always integrated, as shown by the black veterans of the Spanish-American War that are interred here, such as Andrew Booker and William Morris, whose 25th Infantry fought alongside Theodore Roosevelt during the famous battles near San Juan Hill. Navy men such as Eugene Alfred Gideon are buried here. Gideon died during WWII after serving onboard the U.S.S. Denver, a light cruiser which served during the Battle of Leyte Gulf. US Army Ranger Infantryman James Francis Clopton is here interred. He fell in battle during the infamous "May Massacre" during the Korean War, during which the 23rd Infantry was hit with friendly fire followed by a massive Chinese attack. 

Throughout the grounds you will notice trees marked as "Gettysburg Address Sycamores". These were planted from the seeds of the very old Sycamores that overlook the Gettysburg battlefield. These are just some of the improvements made to the grounds by Fairchild Air Force base, which still maintains the cemetery. Behind the cemetery, make sure to take in the spectacular view of the Spokane River below. The peaceful nature of the location is perfect for quite reflection and remembrance. 

Tika & Hawaiian Bells & Birth Announcements

Leaving Tika happily with Gramma Kay last February, we enjoyed some time in Kauai. We visited the museum near Waimea Canyon and I was fascinated by display of the Bell Stone. That's me tapping the stone and it really did ring like a bell!

Once home, and reading an old booklet Legends of Wailua, I learned much more about the importance of the Bell Stone to the ancient Hawaiians:  "Whenever the King wanted more men of strength to be added to his family..... he would send word to the common people that any expectant mother who knew (from their Kahuna) that she was going to have a son, would be permitted to walk the King's Path to the Holo-Holo-Lu Heiau and have her baby there. ............. After giving birth to the child, she would be sent back to her home as she was a commoner and could not stay in the Wailua (sacred) area. Her child, however, was left in the care of the priests.

After the birth, the baby's navel cord was cut and wrapped in a tapa cloth and placed in a crack in a big rock, called the Navel Rock, where it would remain for four days. After that time, the Kahunas would look to see if the tapa bundle was still there. If it was not, the Kahunas believed that rats had stolen the navel cord and since rats are thieves, the child too would be a thief and therefore the child would be executed. If however the cord was still in the Navel Rock it was a sign the child would be good.

When the cord was found intact, there was great joy and celebration. The Kahunas would march in a line on the King's Path to the Bell Stone. While marching they would chant prayers of rejoicing. Upon arrival at the Bell Stone they would chant different prayers while tapping the Bell Stone in such a way as to produce a ringing sound. This was the announcement to the people of Kauai that a child had passed the test and a new high chief had been born to a commoner."

Tika says to us, "And how did you announce the birth of your child?? And what if that baby had been a girl? And seems to me the Hawaiian genealogy is just as mixed up and uncertain as any other lineage."

Tika Says "Unlock Your Potential"

Tika is asking me, "What does an avocado have to do with anything.... with genealogy?" Well, I'm thinking today about the tools to unlock your potential and there is a parallel here. An avocado seed is potentially an avocado tree that will produce hundreds more avocados but if it's tossed in the trash it produces nothing. One must plant it, nurture it and help it reach its potential. As I explained to Tika, I think a positive attitude helps with everything in our lives, and especially with our genealogy.

First, count your blessings every day. Surely give thanks for the sunshine, the flowers, your health, your family, etc. etc. but when have you stopped to consider all the ancestors you have found and connected to your family tree?

Next, start your day the night before. Radical! Before going to bed, make your To-Do list for tomorrow. Besides the mundane things of daily living, add the ideas you have to look for that ancestor/answer. Let the ideas percolate in your mind during the night.

Next, drop the attitude. Radical! If you think you're going to solve any of your problems or find any answers without effort, you might seriously want to re-evaluate your position. I have a little sign in my office which reads, "There are no shortcuts to anyplace worth going."

Next, remember that ideas are not facts. Neither are feelings. It's easy to get in a whirlwind of negativity of can't do it - won't work attitudes, but such is not productive. Such unhappy mentality produces questionable facts and judgmental errors.

Next, set up and stick to a routine. We humans are creatures of habit and good habits make us feel much better and feel in control.  Such it is also with your family history researching. Without a plan you'll be spending time doing generalogy and not genealogy.

Last, enjoy a part of every single day. Daily life is seldom always sunshine and croissants and happy endings. Make it a point of seeing some good in every day and you will change your life. And will likely make happier progress with your genealogy!

Tika's reply? "I don't care what becomes of the seed, let's eat!"

Tika & Tombstones

Is it a good idea or not-so-good idea to craft your own tombstone? Think it depends on how long you want that memorial to last. This marker is for Calvin Chester Potter, 1909-1968, who rests in the Ocean View Cemetery on the west side of Port Angeles, Washington. I spotted this flat marker when walking in this beautiful ocean-side cemetery while visiting family.

The cemetery custodian explained to me that in the 50s to 70s it was common for folks to choose to make their own cement marker and stamps were used to indent the letters. This gravesite is obviously visited by family for somebody painted the letters with blue paint. Otherwise the words would have been pretty much unreadable.

My opinion: I think it's comforting and economical to make your own (or a loved one's) tombstone. But I also think they rarely last as long as commercial ones. This opinion is re-enforced by walking cemeteries and looking at the ones which have weathered unreadable. I recognize that some knowingly chose this option. But I fear that for too many it just happens. 

My point is this: Decide how long you want the marker to be readable and choose accordingly. 

Tika knows that she will rest in the pet resting place on our own property marked with a large black basalt rock. Tiz fitting for her.

Tika & Snowy Passes

This was Snoqualmie Pass, elevation 5420 feet, on Monday, April 29..... and this is springtime in the Rockies???  Wikipedia explains that "The name Snoqualmie is derived from the Lushootseed name s•dukʷalbixʷ, generally interpreted to mean "ferocious people", a name applied by another Coast Salishan tribe in reference to the Snoqualmie tribe.^[5]"

Well, it was a ferocious snowstorm on Monday I can tell you but I put my 4-Runner in 4WD and plugged on through with no problems. The big trucks were all lined up putting on their chains.....

The point Tika and I want to make today is that travel today is so easy. It's 400 miles from Spokane to Port Angeles and I was visiting with grandson after only an 8-hour drive. I reflect that it's so easy to visit family today no matter how far away they are. My friend Joan lives in New Jersey and twice yearly goes to Hawaii to visit her two sons. That is possible in 2013 but surely not never in 1913 and totally unthinkable in 1813.

My great-grandmother Magdalena Regner came to America as a 16 year old girl in 1866. She traveled all that time and all that way by herself. And she knew that she would never, never see her mother again. We say how hard that must have been, but they knew no different. Yes, it was hard but there was no choice.

Today we have a choice and all that keeps us from seeing our loved ones is time and money. But at least it is possible.

Had Tika been with me she would have burrowed in her travel sac and not looked out!

Tika & Puzzles

I spotted this "Tika" puzzle in a Made in New Hampshire shop; isn't it darling? But I have a real life Tika so I did not buy it. But thinking about it and puzzling on my genealogy, I thought of something......

Aren't we all puzzle pieces from the past generations?  And isn't doing genealogy and searching for our family's history putting together a 1000 piece puzzle (that does not have a neatly defined border)???

If we put the puzzle together correctly, the pieces will all fit. Referring to an earlier post about heart rocks, you cannot (or should not!) just make the pieces fit. Several dozen pieces were in this "Tika" puzzle; I'm looking for the thousand dozen pieces of my family history. 

Tika is always a big help; she gives doggie kisses whenever I score a find...... and even when I don't. 

Tika & Heart Rocks

My daughter and I have looked for heart shaped rocks on any beach we're on. Whether it's coral rock hearts on Hawaii beaches or slate rock hearts on Maine beaches we're always looking for obvious heart shaped rocks. And they have to be good ones....... no maybees, wannabees, leave-er-rites, or perhaps-ites. 

So it is with our genealogy. When we go researching to find the ancestor at the dead end beach, we must be careful to pick up only those ancestors who truly are of our family..... no maybees, wannabees or we'll just make the pieces fit-ites. 

Sounds pretty simple but having just spent hours sifting, sorting and paging through eight books on early Temple families in New England, it was so tempting to just make something fit (and there were plenty of likely candidates). But they were just not heart-shaped-rock ancestors. 

Tika says "Whaaaatt?" Rocky beaches are for running on, period. 

Tika & History: Lowell Mill Girls

I'm taking notes for Tika; today I toured the Lowell Mills National Park in Lowell, Massacusetts. In the period 1820 to the Civil War, some 10,000 "white Yankee" girls (no immigrants and no black ladies until after that war) were employed in the nation's largest textile mills in America.

Theire lives were strictly regimented; theyhad to be approved and accepted into a mill boarding house and then they could have a mill factory job. They worked 14 hour days (beginning at 4:30am) and onlhy a haf day of 8hours on Saturday all for under $3.00 per week. Their contract said they must attend church on Sunday.

But I also learned that these girls were eager to come...... to leave the farm life for the big city with things to do and their own money to make and spend. Seems to me it was the beginning of a sort of emancipation for women. Even if they were mostly always under the watchful eye of the boarding house mistress or factory boss.

Tika will be interested to hear all about this...... if she stays awake long enough.

Tika & Time Lines

Tika squirmed and stretched in the spring sun and even yawned when I was attempting to teach her about using timelines in family history. "But they are so important," I said. Another yawn. "Why?" she finally said. So I explained, using her short little life as an example:

A timeline is a way to establishing an accurate depiction of an ancestor's past. By employing a timeline, we see where they lived, when they lived there, and by deduction we might can learn why they were living there. Also using a timeline helps us "plug in" dates to organize the life of that ancestor to give you clues and ideas of where to look next for what record.  So here is Tika's example:

Age..............Date............... ....... Event.................................Source

0                  1 8 Sep 2008      She was born                           Her papers
6wk               21 Oct 2008      Placed at NW Pet Shop           Her papers
6wk               23 Oct 2008      Adopted by Donna!                  Pet store receipt
6mo                3 Mar 2009      Visit the vet for spaying             Vet receipt
1                          Jul 2010      "Sister" dog, Dolly, adopted       Her papers
2                   17 Aug 2010      Visit the vet for eating bad bones  Vet receipt
3                         Sep 2011      Stayed with Gramma Kay          Our travel diary
4                        Mar 2012       Stayed with Gramma Kay          Our travel diary
4 1/2                   Feb 2013      Visit the vet for teeth cleaning      Vet receipt

Yes, this is quite simplistic but hopefully you get the idea. There are dozens of ideas on the hows and whys of keeping timelines but this simple formula has always worked well for me.

When I work on a timeline for an ancestor I always include every date/place/fact for everybody in the family for everybody can be placed in a family and we go through life with our families. I believe in using timelines!

By the end of the lesson, Tika was fast asleep in the spring sun.